I’m stuck in that weird non-momentum phase where everything is still really busy but it feels like there’s no progress being made, especially on the things I really want to do.
Like blogging, and writing, and crafty things. I keep finding really awesome sewing patterns on Pinterest, too, but I haven’t touched my sewing machine in at least 6 months.
I ordered pizza tonight because there are so many dirty dishes littering up my counter I literally have nowhere to make food. Sometimes I hate not having a dishwasher, and then I remember that when we had one, I would still let the pots and pans get this way.
I feel like the last week or so have just been me setting myself up for failure in every little thing. I can get the (barest) necessities taken care of, but that’s about it. (Dishes don’t count, right? Right.)
And then… there have just been so many tragedies in the last few weeks. Tragedies that make people’s ugly sides come out, in unaccounted for ways.
And me, just sitting over here in my little INTJ corner, hurts for the people who have lost so much, but I have no idea how to express it because feelings are weird, y’all. I don’t feel right posting, hardly, because most of what I have in the works already feels… trivial, compared to the hardships so many people have been facing.
So I say a prayer, even though many tell me the prayer (or my compassion) is unwanted because I may disagree with some aspects of their lives. And I note that the world has forgotten what compassion actually is, while I also note that I don’t know how to show compassion to myself.
Life is out of our control. We all need compassion for each other and ourselves to survive each day, and it can’t come only from people we always like, or always agree with. If we smack those criteria on it, then… we only have ourselves.
And that makes life lonely, and impossible. I don’t know anyone who wants to live that way.